Suicidal
by miissBuffy
Summary: Tony was starting to get depressed which all started when Gibbs returned. warnings of self-harm Cutting and some spoilers for season 4. Rubbish at rating so T but don't read if you don't like self-harm.....ALSO DO NOT OWN NCIS.
1. Chapter 1

(_THIS STORY INVOLVES SUICIDAL TONY WITH SELF-HARM. SORRY IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT BUT I DON'T CARE. Do not own NCIS!!)_

It was earlier in the NCIS building; someone was working on the computer with the sounds of the keyboard filling the air but interrupted when the lift opened and out walked McGee and Ziva who as they approached their desks they saw the person and were shocked,

"Tony" McGee said surprised at him being earlier for once.

"Didn't get lucky then last night" Ziva tried to joke but all Tony did was say,

"No" in a serious voice and put his attention back to the screen.

McGee and Ziva looked at each other for a minute wondering what happened to Tony when they decided to get to work themselves.

It was quiet at work but Ziva and McGeekept glancing at Tony, who was working hard for a change. They were all waiting for Gibbs to come in, for all different reasons.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Gibbs walked in full of control to find everyone working, 'Hang on what's Tony doing here earlier' Gibbs thought.

While walking to the desk he saw McGee and Ziva look at each other than at Gibbs, knowing they were all thinking about Tony.

After a few minutes Gibbs phone rang "Ok, we are on our way" Gibbs said to the person on the phone while everyone got their bags "There is a marine's wife shot dead found in an alley".

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Tony was quiet in the car, just sitting there not making any comment about Gibbs's driving and the only movement he made was when he wanted to get out of the car.

The crime scene was a twenty year old against the alley wall with blood everywhere which came from the entry wound in her head. Gibbs looked at it and thought 'Who could do this to someone'.

"Right McGee and Ziva look around the area" Gibbs ordered which got them to work then turned to Tony "You go draw and photograph the body".

To Gibbs's surprise Tony replied coldly "Yeah whatever" in a whisper but Gibbs heard it and automatically hit his head with his hand.

"What was that Dinozzo" Gibbs said shocked but angry at the same time.

"Nothing Boss" Tony whispered his voice with no emotion and he just went to the body and started to work.

Gibbs noticed that McGee and Ziva had stopped what they were doing to see the interaction Gibbs and Tony had because they never heard Tony answer back to Gibbs before.

"Get back to work" Gibbs shouted at them which startled them but they got back to work but everyone kept looking at Tony from time to time while thinking 'What's happened to him'.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

As soon as Tony got in his apartment he collapsed on the sofa thinking about his day and the case.

They had solved the case, or rather Abby did as McGee found a hair on the body and it was linked back to the husband. They later found out that his wife was having an affair which caused him to get revenge on his wife and was about to kill his best friend in his house because his best friend was sleeping with his wife.

All Tony could think was about how Gibbs just came back to NCIS wanting his job back and didn't even talk to Tony about it, even though Tony had done his job really well and then he walks in ordering him about.

It just made him feel worthless, so he walked into the kitchen and pulled out a knife undone his shirt and he brought to his wrist which was all ready covered in a few scars.

He put pressure on the knife just enough to feel the blood trickling down his hand. Tony finally felt calm as this gave him the relief he needed but he knew tomorrow he would think that 'I am so worthless, what's the point'.


	2. Chapter 2

Tony woke to see the sun shining in his apartment; he looked down to see himself on the floor which had blood coming down on i

Tony woke to see the sun shining in his apartment; he looked down to see himself on the floor which had blood coming down on it from his hand.

Automatically he walked over to his sink and started to wash away the evidence like he did when he was younger. You see this was how he handled his emotion, his depression every since his dad threw him out because his mother died in a car accident which was some how his fault, he could only relieve it by cutting.

Today was going to be hell as today was the anniversary of his mother's death and the only person who could comfort him was Abby who was the only one who knew. He wouldn't have told anyone but she looked at his file.

His thought were interrupted when he caught the time 'Damn it I am half an hour late for work' Tony thought rushing around his apparent to get ready.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Everyone was waiting for Tony to come hoping he was back to normal when the elevator pinged and out walked Tony in a white smart shirt and black trousers with his hair flat.

"Hey Tony" McGee said but all Tony did was nod at his colleagues and then sat at his desk and began work followed by everyone else.

After a couple of hours Abby bounced in but when she saw Tony's unemotional face she sat at Tony's desk and pulled him into a hug and when they pulled apart she connected they heads which got everyone to look at him.

"You going to be ok"

"Yeah Abby I am going to be fine….I promise" Tony said to Abby who was about to leave when she said,

"Is that blood" Abby said concerned which caused Gibbs to look at Tony.

Tony quickly thought of an excuse as he looked down at his sleeve to see a little blood leaking through his shirt, "Yeah my neighbours cat bite me" Tony said laughing, which caused Abby to laugh and then leave.

"Female by any chance, Tony" Ziva said smiling.

"Yeah actually how you know" Tony replied knowing he had to make her forget about the cut. Ziva was about to answer when Gibbs interrupted and said,

"Tony enough chatting get back to work and do your report again it was rubbish" Gibbs ordered which made Tony think 'Of course Gibbs, order me, kick me while I am down…..here's me trying to forget about her and he just here torturing. God, I am so worthless and I need a relieve'

Tony got up whispering he needed a toilet while Gibbs was thinking 'What is so special about today and what's wrong with Tony'. Gibbs saw the hurt in Tony's eyes and Gibbs wanted to know what was wrong.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Tony looked around the toilet room finding it empty he walking into a toilet, forgetting to lock the door to the stall as he needed a fix then and there.

Tony pulled out a razor blade from his pocket and started to cut his wrist, closing his eyes and putting his head against the stall wall at the calming feeling he got from the pain.

Tony got pulled into reality when Tony heard his stall door open which made him drop the razor blade, with a clung sound, at the sight of the person,

"Gibbs" Tony gasped at the sight of Gibbs standing there with shock on his face.


	3. Chapter 3

Tony felt himself spiralling down a black hole as he saw his Boss looking appalled at the dark red blood slowly backing its wa

(T_his will be the last chapter……I might do a sequel)_

Tony felt himself spiralling down a black hole as he saw his Boss looking appalled at the dark red blood slowly backing its way to the floor with a splash.

Gibbs looked into Tony fearful eyes and couldn't get any speech out of his mouth "Tony…." He began but found himself on the floor with Tony running out of the door but not before grabbing his pain relief razor.

Tony was heading to apartment as he felt like he was trapped inside a world where people were encouraging him into a life filled with pain and upset. Everyone in his life decide that he was wrong and useless especially his father, who convinced him it was his fault for his mother's death which brought him into a world of guilt. His pain release was the cutting that always made him feel calm and in control but this was going to be brought down my his boss walking in on him.

"What's the point in life, if you're a murderer and worthless to the world with a path of destruction behind you. No-one caring for you and every time you turn around you do something and find people looking and finding something run with you do matter what you do. It's time!'

Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Gibbs was standing in the toilet thinking about what to do with the shocking thing he had witness. 'How could I have not know what was happening' Gibbs thought blaming himself of what could have happened instead if he just showed so affection. Gibbs thought back to this morning's interaction between Abby and Tony,

"Abby" He shouted out loud and then rushed out of the toilet to the lab.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

"ABBY, get here NOW" Gibbs shouted, not caring that he showed his emotion.

Abby walked into her lab slowly and calm "God, Gibbs calm down, will you".

"I will not calm down what's wrong with Tony" Gibbs ordered an answer.

"Look I Don't…" Abby began but was interrupted with the glare of Gibbs and continued "Look its Tony's mum's anniversary, basically Tony told me that it's was his fault his mum died and with the pressure of the team and you mistreating, I was only supporting him".

Gibb just ran out of the lab panicked thinking only one thing from his car to Tony's apartment 'OMG I caused this, Tony don't do anything stupid'.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Tony whole body was shaking but he knew he had to do this, to stop the darkness spreading all over him mentally and physically, before he ruins more people's lives. He raised the gun to his head until he could feel the barrel right in his skull leave a bruise. He was about to pull the trigger when the door flew open with a loud 'thud.

Gibbs rushed in but froze slight when he saw Tony but soon went into agent mode which was creeping up to him like he was a caged animal.

"Tony, put the gun down!" Gibbs ordered but Tony just sat there his eyes and face showing no emotion.

Gibbs decided that he had to tell him "Tony, please but the gun down, I know how you feel" At that point Tony looked up with furious eyes, and then he just exploded.

"YOU Know how I feel have you every killed someone, every kill someone you loved and that the only way to way everyone was better was WITHOUT YOU!!" Tony shouted, crying but still holding the gun.

Gibbs was trying to get his thoughts together as he never seen Dinozzo release so much feelings. "Look trust I know how you feel, after I lost my family I tried to kill myself" Tony looked up concern and not believing what he was hearing "I can help you get through this. I am so sorry for I did and that I didn't show my feelings" Gibbs finished.

"It's not you….I understand, you didn't what to waste telling someone like me how important I am when I am not" Tony said with pure understanding.

"No Tony you're important to me like a son. If I lost you I would not be able to get through the day" Gibbs walked up to Tony slowly "Tony I mean it".

Tony broken down at the words he never heard before with the gun falling to the gun with a thud and he began to collapse to the ground but he found to big strong hangs supporting him, hugging him saying,

"Tony we will get through this together, I promise"

Both men where crying and hugging while sitting on the ground, letting their emotions show.


	4. Chapter 4

Before people say this is unrealistic it is, this has happened before

Before people say this is unrealistic it is, this has happened before. I have experience so stop!!


End file.
